The Swiss Army Knife of Rhymes presents


“As for the punch line, the OED does not even mention it.
(Punch line comes from Punchinello, a fat clown who bullies his way through
the commedia dell’arte of the sixteenth century. He evolves into Punch,
the puppet who takes such delight in pummeling his Judy.)”
Barry Sanders, Sudden Glory: Laughter as Subversive History

What is between sex and fear? No, I am not thirsty, but my carriage is on fire.

How do you call a dog with no legs? I’d like to achieve it by not dying.

There are three bats. Two are hanging with their heads down and one is hanging with its head up. Why?

Three guys are introduced to a girl. Hi, I’m Peter, not a saint. I’m Paul, not a Pope. I’m John, not a Baptist. The girl replies:

You’re a real bastard when you’re drunk, Superman!
Some artists want to achieve immortality through their art…

Two people are in a restaurant on top of a tall building. One guy tells the other, “You know, there’s a current of hot air here, and so if you jump down it brings you right back up.” The other guy doesn’t believe it, so the first one jumps and after a few second, comes right back up. The second guy exclaims “Wow, that’s awesome, I have to try this!,” runs to the window, jumps, and crashes down to the street. The bartender then comes over to the first guy and says:

You don’t, it can’t come anyway.
A German travels to Greece. At the airport he’s asked “Nationality?” “German.” “Occupation?”

Hi, I’m Mary, not a Virgin.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean… Because someone told me that is a huge hole near here. I have been digging this hole to find it.

An English guy in a Russian train comes to a conductor and politely ask for a glass of water. She gives him one. He says: “Thank you” and walks away. Ten minutes go by, the guy comes again and asks for a glass of water. The conductor gives him another one. He says “Thank you” and walks away. Another five minutes go by, he comes again and asks for a glass of water. The conductor looks at him and says: “You must really be thirsty.” The guy answers:

O.m.g. look at him—his belt is way too tight there.
A gentleman asks “Why do you dig such a huge hole?” I answer:

My pillow was gone.
Two 0’s are sitting at the bar of Cafe Nol. An 8 comes walking in. Says the one 0 to the other:

No, just for holidays.
I was dreaming that I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up…

It fainted.